tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48137402817080975622024-03-08T08:48:47.344-06:00Zen and the Art of WaiteringEnlightenment, one table at a time.Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-54215352827175499122012-02-09T12:14:00.001-06:002018-02-12T23:25:17.473-06:00Some things I have learned<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><i>[Ed. Note -
I'm taking a break from my usual format this week to list some things
that have been on my mind lately, not necessarily related to waiting
tables. Things I've been told, things I've been shown, things I've just been lucky enough to learn; just wanted to pass them along]</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">*</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br />Do
not say anything behind someone's back you would not say to their
face. Along the same lines, do not do anything in secret that you would be embarrassed or shamed should you be
found out. Life is much, much simpler this way.</span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Be a man (or
woman) of your word. Good intentions are meaningless without action
behind them. If you doubt whether you have the time, energy, or means
to follow through on a commitment, say so.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Do not pretend to
be someone you are not to be accepted by another. Even if you are
successful, the person they have accepted isn't actually you, and you
will end up feeling even less fulfilled and loved than before.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Do not loan out a
CD, DVD or a book if you ever intend on seeing it again. If you truly
want to share a piece of art you love with someone, buy a used copy
and give it to them as a present.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">By the same
token, when someone wants to share a piece of art with you that is
important to them or that they think you'll like, what they are
really sharing with you is a piece of themselves. Take the time to
honor that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Be skeptical, but
not closed minded. Be open to the possibility that you may not have
it all figured out. At the end of the day, a fundamentalist Atheist
can be just as intolerant and presumptive as a the most ardent
Westboro Baptist. Remember this quote from Herbert Spencer:</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"> “There
is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof
against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in
everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to
investigation.”</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Say what you
mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Every day
we take for granted things that our ancestors would have considered
miraculous. Forget smart phones, forget modern medicine, forget air
travel, forget the Internet... If you are reading this, very likely
you have hot water. Whenever you want. You have clean, drinkable
water. Whenever you want. Your great-great-grandparents would have
been blown away by that.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">When
you say things like “I'd really like to do this or that,” or “I
really <i>should</i>
do that,” that thing, whatever it is (changing your diet, planning
a trip, writing that novel, going out more, whatever) will most
likely never, ever happen. Make a decision. <i>When
exactly </i>are
you going to do it? <i>What</i>
exactly
does that look like? What would you have to change in what you are
doing right now to make sure that more important thing gets done? Unless
you are very specific about how and when you are going to actually do
those things you'll never live the life you want to live.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If
not now, when?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Do
not fear making mistakes, just make sure to learn from them when they
(inevitably) happen. Good judgment comes from experience, experience
comes from bad judgment.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“If you do not like something, change it. If
you can not change it, change your attitude. Do not complain.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">- </span>Maya Angelou </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Scientists
now believe that everything we consider to be the “observable”
Universe (up to and including quarks and all the fun, crazy quantum
stuff) is, in actuality, only about 4.6% of the <i>actual</i>
Universe. The rest is made up of Dark Matter (23%) and Dark Energy
(72%). What exactly <i>is</i>
Dark Matter and Dark Energy? They're not really sure. I find this
helpful to remember.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The
way to show appreciation for a gift is to use it. This applies just
as much to whatever talents and passions your Creator has blessed you
with. This applies to Life itself.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">When
writing an important email, be it business or personal, save your
draft, walk away from your computer to do something else, and come
back to it 20 minutes later to review it before sending.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">What
you consider “normal” is entirely shaped by how and where (and
when) you were raised. If you were born in a small town in Kentucky,
odds are very good you would be a conservative Christian. If you were
born to a liberal humanist family in Chicago, odds are very good you
would be a liberal humanist. If you were born in Tehran, odds are
very good you would be a Muslim. The next time you find yourself in
opposition with someone, try to ask yourself “If I were born to
their family and raised how they were raised, what would I believe?”
Most of what separates you from someone else is only a small
combination of genetics and environment.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">No
one wants to hear your excuses. What is impressive is the person who
can admit they made a mistake, accept responsibility for it, and do
what is necessary to make sure it doesn't happen again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">Your
task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the
barriers within yourself that you have built against it.</span><span style="font-size: small;">”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">-
Rumi</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">If
you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what
you've always got.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Worry
is not just useless, it is legitimately harmful. All that energy
spent worrying only serves to eat away at you from the inside and
take energy away from acting in the present. Think of </span><span style="font-size: small;"><i>all</i></span><span style="font-size: small;">
the things you've ever worried about that never came to pass. Now
think of those few things that </span><span style="font-size: small;"><i>did</i></span><span style="font-size: small;">
come to pass and how even those failed to undo you.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Enjoy
all the richness that life has to offer, but don't try to hold on to
that which you cannot keep (which is to say, everything). Strive to savor, not to dwell.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Spirituality
without practicality is empty. If you can not be just as much at
peace in a traffic jam as you are in a meadow, what is it really
worth?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">Life
is very much about perspective: in the immediacy of the moment, every
setback or conflict becomes a catastrophe. In the span of eons,
everything becomes meaningless. A good measuring stick seems to be
one human lifespan. When judged against that, what is truly
meaningful becomes clear and what is inconsequential falls away.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">The
overwhelming majority of drama is, in actuality, self-created and
self-sustained.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="text-decoration: none;">The next time you start complaining about what a “shitty” day you had, try to keep in mind that your life as a Westerner is better, safer, and more affluent than about 99% of the people in the world. T</span></span>he next time you feel the need to append “FML” to a Facebook comment you are typing on your iPad, try to imagine switching places with the Chinese factory worker who <i>built</i> your iPad.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">If
you have trouble getting places on time, start getting ready about 20
to 30 minutes before you think you actually have to.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">The pursuit of pleasure and the pursuit of happiness are not the same thing. Happiness is a byproduct of living the right kind of life.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">Treat
yourself with the same compassion you would a loved one or a dear friend.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“<span style="font-size: small;">Beyond
a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of
the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right
to be here.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">- Max Ehrmann</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Despite
much evidence to the contrary, people can and do change for the
better. What it takes is an acknowledgment and acceptance
that the way one has been doing things isn't working, a willingness
to try to do things differently, and a commitment to accept the cost
of following through and to do so no matter what.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">A
negative world view is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dare to be
positive, and see what happens.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>*</b>
</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;">Above
all, try not to take yourself so seriously. No one else does.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; text-decoration: none;"><br /></span></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-32836496064425708612012-02-01T12:03:00.000-06:002012-02-09T17:58:40.060-06:00A Parable: The Serpent and the Server<br />
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There
was once a young handmaiden who went down to the river to wash her
clothes, where she found a poisonous snake drowning. “Please,”
begged the snake, “please save me, I can not swim.”</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Do
you think me stupid?” the maiden replied. “If I take you out of
the water, you will be sure to bite me.”</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">No,”
the snake pleaded, “You have my word I will not. Please, I beg of
you, save me and I promise I will not bite you.”</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The
handmaiden relented and lifted the snake up out onto the banks of the
river. After a few minutes, when the snake had recovered his breath,
he promptly bit the handmaiden on the ankle and started to slither
away.</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You
said you would not bite me!” gasped the handmaiden, as she lay
dying.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;">“<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I
am a snake,” he replied. “What did you think I was going to do?”</span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br />
</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">There
was once a young server who was waiting on a couple out for a date at
the beginning of the dinner rush. The meal went splendidly and the
couple thanked the server profusely for his wonderful service, and
promised that when they returned they would ask for him again. The
couple lingered over coffee and desert and the server thought nothing
of it. However, the couple continued to linger long after the last
cup of coffee had been drunk. As the server approached to refill
their coffee once more, the guests replied that they knew they were
overstaying their welcome, but that the server would be taken care
of. And so the night passed; table after table was turned during the
dinner rush, and still they remained. They stayed throughout the
night, and were one of the very last tables in the restaurant to leave. As the server looked
over his meager sales receipts, reduced severely by the loss of the
table, he went to retrieve the check presenter to see what had been left him: it was
$16 on $75. The server, emboldened, ran to catch up with the departing
guests and asked how they could be so clueless as to think that $16 made up for the lost table the entire night. The guests paused for a
moment to think about the question and replied, “We are guests.
What did you think we were going to do?”</span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">-Zen and the Art of Waitering</span></a></span></span></div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-1683224714031208282012-01-26T15:40:00.002-06:002012-02-09T17:58:58.616-06:00Hey, did you hear about...<style type="text/css">
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<i>And what is Right Speech? Abstaining from telling lies or deceiving, from slander and divisive speech, from rude, impolite or abusive language, and from idle chatter and gossip: This is called Right Speech. If your speech is not useful or beneficial it is best to keep silent.</i><br />
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<i>-The Pali Cannon</i></div>
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I've written before on the subject of Right Speech – namely as it relates to <a href="http://zenandtheartofwaitering.blogspot.com/2010/03/bitch-bitch-bitch.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">bitching and complaining</span></a>: something waiters are exceptionally good at. If complaining is the number one pastime of service staff, then gossip and shit talking are probably numbers two and three, respectively. Especially when it's slow, and servers have little to do but hang out in the side station waiting for tables to arrive (and therefore no <i>customers</i> yet to complain about), conversation inevitably turns to who did what with whom, or what an idiot/weirdo/a-hole so-and-so is.</div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">Not that this is unique to service world: gossip and shit talking can certainly be found in all jobs in all walks of life. (Indeed, gossip, insulting and judging others can all be found in </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_universal" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;">Donald Brown's List of Cultural Universals</span></a>. Shit talking, I think, can be inferred from the other three). Something about the service industry, in particular, though – maybe the stress, the age of staff, maybe the slight tendency towards inter-office “<a href="http://www.theonion.com/articles/waitstaff-tired-of-sleeping-with-each-other,1749/" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">romance</a>” I don't know. What I do know is that it's extremely difficult to get through a shift without finding yourself drawn into a conversation saying something about someone else who isn't there.</div>
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One of my latest goals, both in work and in life, is to not say anything behind someone's back I wouldn't say to their face. If I'm having a problem with a co-worker, then it's up to me to either talk with him/her directly, or just shut up about it. Bitching about them behind their back may temporarily help me to “let off some steam,” but it generally only fans the flames of my <span style="font-style: normal;">negativity even more</span><span style="font-style: normal;">, and further entrenches it, not removes it</span><span style="font-style: normal;">. Also, I probably wouldn't like it if people were talking that way about me, so that whole stupid “Golden Rule” thing kind of comes into play. </span>[Side Note here: part of all this is accepting that people are probably gossiping and talking shit about <i>me</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> behind </span><i>my</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> back as well. And you know, that's okay. Lord knows I give them enough ammunition].</span></div>
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It's a tall order but, as with pretty much everything in the Buddhist world view – the proscription is not intended as a moral judgement – that I'm a “bad” person for gossiping (again, it's a human <i>universal</i><span style="font-style: normal;">)</span>, but rather as an observation that the behavior inevitably leads to <i>my own</i> suffering, not someone else's. When I talk about someone behind their back I'm, first of all, instantly creating the potential for the added drama that will ensue if and when said person finds out (which, knowing how waitstaff like to gossip, is probably inevitable). Add on to <i>that,</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> that now whenever I'm around that person I'm kind of worrying in the back of my mind if they know what I said or what would happen if they found out.... But mainly, my doing this only serves to reinforce </span>the idea of separation between self and other, a division the ego loves but which ultimately takes me away from wholeness, equanimity, and all that other inner-peace crap.</div>
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But that's thing. It's not crap. It's actually very real. By making a decision not to engage – again not judging anyone for it, because I do it <i>all</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> the time – I inevitably end up free from a lot of bullshit and useless drama. Which, I know, sounds weird – the ego feeds off drama, craves it. I've always thought that a life without drama sounds kind of, well, </span><i>boring. </i><span style="font-style: normal;">Drama equals </span><i>excitement</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> and </span><i>passion </i><span style="font-style: normal;">and </span><i>lust for life</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> and all that great stuff. Except, it doesn't. Excitement and passion and lust for life are all there for the taking, and when you cut away the drama from the equation, they actually become a lot more enjoyable.</span></div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">All that aside, did you hear about __ and ___ in the walk-in? And God, does ___ have his head up his ass or what?</span></div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-67409265218896867082012-01-18T11:07:00.005-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.397-06:00A Parable<p>It was five minutes till close, and the manager approached the learned server reluctantly.<br />
"I am sorry my friend," said the manager, "but a party of twelve just came in and I have to give them to you."<br />
The server replied, "Who is to say what is good and what is bad?"<br />
<br />
Shortly later, the manager returned to the floor to ask the server how the party was going. The server answered that all twelve guests had ordered steaks and cocktails.<br />
"How wonderful!" said the manager. "At least you will make some money out of this."<br />
The server replied, "Who is to say what is good and what is bad?"<br />
<br />
Near the end of the meal the manager came by to see how the party was wrapping up. The server answered that all twelve guests demanded separate checks.<br />
"How awful!" said the manager. "You will be here another twenty minutes just sorting this out."<br />
The server replied, "Who is to say what is good and what is bad?"<br />
<br />
After the guests had finally gone, the manager asked how everything ended up. It turned out that because of the separated checks, the guests had not noticed the included gratuity and had left extra.<br />
"That is great!" said the manager. "You made some real money. What good fortune!"<br />
"Who is to say what is good and what is bad?" replied the server.<br />
<br />
"Shut the hell up," said the manager.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">~</div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-84361742294449747172012-01-11T13:21:00.000-06:002012-02-09T18:00:36.974-06:00"Polish the silverware to polish the silverware..."<style type="text/css">
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<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;"></span></i></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">While washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes, which means that while washing the dishes one should be completely aware of the fact that one is washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a little silly: </span></i></span></strong> <br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">Why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that's precisely the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls is a </span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">wondrous reality. I'm being completely myself, </span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">following my breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions. There's no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.... </span></i></span></strong> <br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">There are two ways to wash the dishes. The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is </span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">to wash the dishes in order to wash the dishes.</span></i></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as they were a nuisance, then we are not "washing the dishes to wash the dishes." What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either. While </span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking </span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">of other thing</span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">s</span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">, barely aware of the cup in our hands. Thus, we are sucked away into the future -- and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life. </span></i></span></strong> <br />
<div align="CENTER"><br />
</div><div align="CENTER"><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">--------------------</span></span></strong></div><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">I remember a number of years ago, when [my friend] Jim and I were first traveling together in the United States, we sat under a tree and shared a tangerine. He began to talk about what we would be doing in the future. Whenever we thought about a project that seemed attractive or inspiring, Jim became so immersed in it that he literally forgot about what he was doing in the present. He popped a section of tangerine in his mouth and, before he had begun chewing it, had another slice ready to pop into his mouth again. He was hardly aware he was eating a tangerine. All I had to say was, "You ought to eat the tangerine section you've already taken." Jim was startled into realizing what he was doing.</span></i></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">It was as if he hadn't been eating the tangerine at all. If he had been eating anything, he was "eating" his future plans.</span></i></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">--Thich Nhat Hanh, </span></span></strong><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Miracle-Mindfulness-Introduction-Practice-Meditation/dp/0807012394/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326308690&sr=1-1" target="_blank"><strong style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">The Miracle of Mindfulness</span></i></span></strong></a><br />
<div align="CENTER"><br />
</div><div align="CENTER"><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><b>*</b></i></span></strong></div><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">With each spoon polished in mindfulness, the Buddha smiles.</span></i></span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> --<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC" target="_blank"><span style="color: blue;"><i>Zen and the Art of Waitering</i></span></a></span></span></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">In all my time as a server, I've never been a fan of banquet service. I know a lot of waiters who vastly prefer it to the normal grind – there are set menus, not a lot of guest interaction, and it's usually not quite as hectic as just running a normal station. The main reason I've always shied away from it is that much of it consists of things I really don't consider “waiting tables”: moving tables, place setting, ironing tablecloths, polishing silverware, etc. I gravitated towards the service industry for a number of reasons, chief among them that I like being </span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">busy</span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">. Waiting tables demands your constant attention – it's task management, it's prioritizing, it's a constant flow. One of my favorite things about the job is when I look down at my watch and realize that 3 hours have flown by without my noticing; there's not much time for your mind to wander.</span></span></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">A</span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">ll that being said, in my new job (as a server </span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">assistant</span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> at a fine-dining restaurant), my night usually involves nothing </span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">but</span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> those types of “not waiting tables” tasks. I polish silverware, I polish wine glasses, I run food, I vacuum. When I'm serving the food I occasionally get to interact with the guests, where I explain the dishes, but that's only if the captain (the front waiter) is busy with another table.</span></span></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">The more I (try to) practice Zen though, the more in love with my new job I become. Every night gives me ample, ample opportunity to practice (and practice and practice) mindfulness in all my tasks. The best analogy I can give to a non-server about what waiting tables is like are those plate-spinners on the old Ed Sullivan show. You greet table 21 over here, take an order for table 11 over there, get a couple of drink refills for 22, the food should have been out by now for 12 so I'm going to run to the kitchen to see what's going on, now I've got to get back to 21 to see if they want any drinks, etc. You're constantly planning two or three steps ahead while at the same time attending to the demands of the moment and adjusting on the fly. We're continuously triaging the section, juggling the amount of attention and time given to each table and when.</span></span></span></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">As a server assistant, I have </span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">absolutely nothing to do but what I am doing right then</span></i></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">. When I'm vacuuming, there is absolutely nothing else I can do but vacuum. When I'm running food to a table, there's nothing else for me to do but that, and nothing else to think about or plan for. Often when the restaurant is full all I can attend to is running food non-stop for most of the night, ending up when it slows down with a huge backlog of glasses and silverware to polish. I'll be standing there with a giant mound of silverware in front of me, and one of the other assistants will bring </span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">over </span></span></span></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-style: normal;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">yet another rack from the dishwasher to add to the pile, inevitably making some comment about how discouraging it all looks. For me, it doesn't matter. I know the only way the job is done is one spoon at a time, they'll all be polished eventually. And in that, there is peace.</span></span></span></strong>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-27181382389732865862011-12-28T13:55:00.017-06:002012-02-09T18:01:43.339-06:00A Christmas Wish<div style="color: black; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>If you wish to enter the mindset of the guest, it is crucial that you understand that <b>the guest does not see you as an actual human being.</b> This is the Second Noble Truth of Service. If you were to press the guest on the question of whether or not the person in front of them was a living, breathing individual - one with his own life and cares, tragedies and triumphs - they would of course concur but, truthfully, only after some consideration. The default attitude of the guest is simply to see you as a means of conveyance - a conduit of their food and drink from the ether to the table. Do not take this personally. It is simply the nature of things. Would you take it personally if a scorpion were to sting you? It is the nature of the scorpion to do so - just as it is the nature of the guest to have the self-centeredness and self-importance of a two-year-old.</i></span></div><div style="color: black; font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><style type="text/css">
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</style> </div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><div style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">-- </span><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Zen and the Art of Waitering</a></span></div></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">It's Christmas Eve and, after a pretty busy night, things are starting to slow down. The guests are beginning to trickle out, off to read "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" in front of a roaring fire and drift off to visions of sugar plums and whatnot (I assume that's what goes on, as for myself I had already gotten my visit from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y28dky3iX48" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Hanukkah Harry</a>). The waiters are starting to finish up their tables, the remaining guests are starting to get desserts and after-dinner drinks, but there's still one table who hasn't even started their meal yet (keep in mind we're talking fine-dining, where a meal generally takes about three hours).</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">It was a two top, a young couple in their early to mid thirties, who were the last reservation for the night; a reservation for which they had already been a half-hour late. And they sat, and drank (from the looks of it, they had already had a few drinks before dinner as well), and snuggled on the same side of the booth, and were quite obviously in no hurry whatsoever with absolutely nowhere else to be. Finally, at around 9:30, they order. The courses begin to come out and, once again, they're obviously in no hurry. The first course sits in front of them, barely touched, for what seems like an eternity. The server checks to make sure that the everything is alright, and the guests respond everything is wonderful, thank you, and continue to pick. This goes on pretty much for every course up until the main, where one of the guests decides she's not very fond of what she ordered, and sends it back - much to the dismay not only of the server but to the kitchen as well, who had started to close things down themselves.</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">She gets her new entree, everything is fine, but they continue to snuggle and talk and drink, and occasionally take a bite, and talk and drink some more. The food sits untouched for awhile, the server goes over to see if she can clear - No, they're still eating. The food continues to sit, they pick occasionally, the clock ticks, the captain gingerly venture back over. No, they're still eating...</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">You can see where this is all going. They stretch out the meal, they stretch out the dessert courses, they stretch out the after-dinner drinks, etc etc, and all the while the poor server is getting more and more agitated.</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">"It's Christmas Eve!" goes the familiar refrain. "Don't these a--holes think that I might possibly have a family to get home to?"</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">The other remaining servers joined in the chorus. I kept my mouth shut. I was closing as well but, again, for me it was just another Saturday night. I always expect to stay late and know, from experience, that Christmas Eve is no exception. By the time all is said and done, it's 1:30 in the morning.</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">As much as we want the guest to understand and think of us as actual people, people who <i>they</i> are keeping from getting on with their lives and seeing their families and, yes, <i>having a Christmas</i>, they do not. They are customers and, for that time, we are their employees. They're paying good money to have a meal out, and it's our job to provide it. And to a point, I can see where they're coming from. Our meals are not cheap, and if our restaurant didn't want to be open on Christmas Eve, it didn't have to be. If I didn't want to work in a profession where I might have to be at my job late on Christmas Eve, maybe I should have worked harder at finding another vocation.</span></div><div lang="en-US" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; margin-bottom: 0in; orphans: 2; widows: 2;"><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">It all comes down to how we treat each other, and how we see each other. When you go out to eat, do you consider that your waitress might have three small children waiting for her to get home? Do you think that maybe the barista at the Starbucks might have had better things to do Christmas Day then get up at 5am to make sure you didn't </span><span style="font-size: small;">have to</span><span style="font-size: small;">, </span><span style="font-size: small;">God forbid</span><span style="font-size: small;">, </span><span style="font-size: small;"> go one day without your precious pumpkin spice latte? </span><span style="font-size: small;">I'm not saying I'm not often guilty of the same thing - it's human nature, I think, to lump people into categories and boxes. It's how our brains evolved, we see, we process, categorize, and move on. To step back and treat everyone you meet as an actual <i>person</i>, someone who has a whole life outside of your very brief interaction with them, well, it makes it difficult to continue with business as usual.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Would it affect how you treat the grocery store clerk, or the bus driver, or the homeless man, or maybe someone you were not just indifferent to, but in conflict with, if you could step back and see the whole scope of their lives? See that they, too, have wept with grief over the loss of a loved one, perhaps looked down at a newborn baby and experienced the miracle of life, felt the sting of guilt and remorse, the pain of regret and failure, and yet also </span><span style="font-size: small;">laughed until their sides ached, and perhaps occaisonally even performed some small act of selflessness or even heroism?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Not to get too religious or preachy but, in the spirit of the season, I think this was one of the things Jesus understood and tried to convey. He didn't see a sinner, or a tax collector - he saw a <i>person</i>, a child of God, surely no less than the priest or even the saint. What would the world be like, I wonder, if we could look at other people through those eyes.</span></div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-548038055423465292011-12-21T13:54:00.000-06:002012-02-09T18:04:51.883-06:00Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Stop. Please, Just Stop.<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>The secret to eternal happiness is to never wish to be anywhere but where you are. Wherever you are, embrace it fully. Say yes to it unreservedly. For there is nothing more foolish than fighting the reality of what</i></span><span style="font-size: small;"> is.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">--<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Zen and the Art of Waitering</a><span style="color: blue;"> </span></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="NoSpacing" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="body" style="font-size: small;"><i>If you do not like something, change it. If you cannot change it, change your attitude. Do not complain.</i></span></div><div class="NoSpacing" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="body" style="font-size: small;"><i>--Maya Angelou</i></span></div><div class="NoSpacing" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="body" style="font-size: small;"><i> </i></span></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: center;"></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">*<i>Note: the following is a re-post from last year's holiday season. My new restaurant does not play Christmas music - or </i>any<i> popular music for that matter. Just a nice, subtle background of non-intrusive minimalist instrumentals. Just how grateful I am for this, I can not</i> <i>even begin to explain.</i> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">For me, one of the single most annoying things about being in the service industry – more annoying than bad tips, rude guests, or loud children – is holiday music. Specifically, being forced to listen to holiday music six to eight hours a day for a month and a half straight. The normal music is bad enough; many years ago at one of my old jobs (before satellite radio) we had those cassette tapes that run on infinite loops, just replaying the same hour, hour-and-a-half of music over and over and <i>over</i>. One summer they replayed the same <i>one</i> tape for over a month straight; to this day I still can’t hear “Ironic” by Alanis Morisette without getting nauseous. But holiday music is in a class by itself. Part of it might be because I was raised Jewish, and so I really don’t have any fond memories associated with Christmas music (besides Vince Guaraldi's jazz score from “A Charlie Brown Christmas"). But I think the main reason is because Christmas music is almost universally shitty. “White Christmas,” “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” that awful, <i>awful</i> Paul McCartney song (“Simply, having, a wonderful Christmas time….”) and worst of all, “Jingle Bell Rock,” they all make me wretch. (“Jingle Bell Rock” I think deserves special mention just because of the way it lodges itself in your head, like a parasite burrowing underneath your skin, and you find <i>yourself</i> singing it – over and over). And the less said about that Barbara Streisand monstrosity (Jingle bells, jingle bells, jing, jangle! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jing, jangle!) the better. In my mind, there have really only been three good Christmas songs ever written: “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR07r0ZMFb8&ob=av2e" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Christmas in Hollis</a>” by Run-DMC, Prince’s “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaiR-rQny5U" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Another Lonely Christmas</a>” (which, if you’ve never heard it, is beautiful - albeit <i>immensely</i> depressing) and, of course, James Brown - "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcQJj7d18eA" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Soulful Christmas</a>". Even the reliably cynical John Lennon could not withstand the Christmas schmaltz – “So This Is Christmas” is one of his most annoyingly cloying songs (a children’s choir John? Really?).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: small;">So, every year, between the day after Thanksgiving and the end of the first week of January, I bitch. I bitch relentlessly, over and over <s>--</s> “Not Jingle Bell Rock <i>again</i>!”, “God I hate Paul McCartney!” and so forth. But what can I do? The Christmas music certainly isn’t going anywhere (and, for the time being, neither am I), and the end result of being constantly annoyed is pretty much that I'm walking around feeling constantly annoyed. It’s really not a good feeling. So why do I bitch? What’s to be gained? If I'm completely honest with myself I think on some level I <i>like</i> being annoyed; having something to bitch about is a nice little boost for the ego, it's the ego's way of saying, “I’m <i>better</i> than this music,” or "If <i>I </i>was running the show things would be different" (we’d only be listening to ‘<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Motown-Christmas-Various-Artists/dp/B00000JPBZ" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">A Motown Christmas</a><span style="background-color: blue;"></span>’ for one). But it still doesn't feel good. So, as an experiment, the other night I just stopped bitching. I stopped bitching and accepted unreservedly that awful, awful Christmas music that could not be escaped. When “Jingle Bell Rock” got stuck in my head, I sang it and <i>let </i>myself sing it – I made myself really get into it, just belted it out. And you know what? I wasn’t annoyed anymore. I actually found myself in a good mood – whistling “Rudolph” and everything. Like a lot of things in life, it was a trade off. I had to trade in my temporary feelings of superiority for being in a good mood, and I found being in a good mood is vastly more enjoyable. Now we'll just see if I can keep it up when Streisand comes on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
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</div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-18610233348757640592011-12-12T12:07:00.005-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.284-06:00"I felt sorry for myself because I was a waiter..."<i><br />
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<i>Above all, remember the Seventh Noble Truth: It is only food. When you feel rage beginning to surface or exasperation threatening to submerge you, repeat this again and again. Let it be your mantra. It is only food. It is only food. It is only food. This applies to all areas.</i><br />
<i> – <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Zen and the Art of Waitering</a></i><br />
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</div><i>I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.</i><br />
<i> I felt sorry for myself because I was a waiter, until I met a waiter from Chili's.<br />
– Ancient Persian Proverb</i><br />
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There's a lot to be said for <a href="http://zenandtheartofwaitering.blogspot.com/2011/07/its-only-food-its-only-food-its-only.html" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">perspective</a>. It's not something that comes naturally - our general course is to be caught up in the demands of the moment, and to see only what is immediately around us. Each of us has our own concept of reality, of what is “the norm” – what is expected and unexpected, what is acceptable and what is not.<br />
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This occurred to me the other night at work; it was a pretty crazy night – very busy, lots of running around, some issues with the kitchen, both back and front of the house getting flustered and short-tempered, etc, etc. As I mentioned last week, I recently moved to the world of fine dining; just an absolutely wonderful restaurant with a wonderful crew. It was something I had been looking for for awhile, and when I got the job I was ecstatic. Yet here I was, not a month after so happily accepting the position, cursing the kitchen, and bitching about how “ridiculous” the night was. And I stopped, and I saw three things. One: just months ago, if someone told me I would have a full time position in a five-star, Michelin-rated restaurant, I would have been thrilled. To have the job, in and of itself, regardless of what silly crap I might have to put up with on any given night, I would have accepted in a heartbeat – and could not imagine a scenario where I wouldn't. So, that lead to a second insight – which is that this discontentment is inherent in the very nature of what is often referred to as “the world of form;" there is no point of having “made it,” every success and achievement, every <i>thing</i> gained, is appreciated and enjoyed for but a brief (often, <i>very</i> brief) window of time. That appreciation is quickly forgotten, as we now become used to it, and move on to the next thing.<br />
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The third, and most important thing, I think I realized was something that has actually been on my mind for awhile (this just helped coalesce it). Namely, the idea of our reality “bubbles,” that the context of our surroundings creates our sense of normalcy. What is normal to – and what is <i>expected</i> by – someone born to an upper crust family in New England is probably somewhat different from the expected reality of someone born to a dirt poor family in the Appalachians. The waiters at my new restaurant are (thoroughly) disappointed if they make anything less than $200 a night. At my old job, we would have been <i>thrilled</i> to make $200 a night.<br />
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This all, of course, are the expectations of a First World lifestyle. We, anyone reading this, right now, are living a life in the upper 1% of everyone in the world. No matter how “bad” my night is at work, would I trade that with your average person in, say, Burma? Or Rwanda? Or, basically, <i>anywhere</i> that's not North America, Europe or the Industrialized East?<br />
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You can even extrapolate this idea further, when you realize that our lives would be considered pure magic by anyone else throughout history. When I wake up every morning, I have <i>clean, hot water whenever I want</i>. Think about that for a moment. My great-great grandfather would be astounded by that. We don't have to worry about <i>Polio</i>. Most of us probably didn't have a number of siblings die in childhood. To say nothing of leprosy and the Black Plague. Comedian Louis C.K. has an amazing bit that I appended below about how “everything's amazing and no one is happy,” and it's so true. And it's true because of the bubble we grew up in, of what our personal time and place tells us is the norm.<br />
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Now, whenever anyone asks me at work how my night was, or how I'm doing, my answer is – and I say this completely without sarcasm – amazing. Awesome. Wonderful. I make a living polishing silverware and running food to the ultra-rich in a posh, fine-dining restaurant in a tony neighborhood in a major metropolitan First World city. Seriously, how bad can my night be? What, I got a “bad” tip? We were <i>running long ticket times</i>? Not to sound like an asshole, but meet someone from <a href="http://www.cracked.com/funny-1053-worst-countries/" style="color: blue;" target="_blank">Somalia</a> and then try to tell them with a straight face how “bad” your night was because of long ticket times. <i>That's</i> the reality.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/8r1CZTLk-Gk?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-32442399626227189812011-12-06T13:37:00.003-06:002012-02-09T18:08:19.510-06:00Trial and Error (and Trial and Error Again (and Again))<div><p><i>What nobody tells people who are beginners — and I really wish someone had told this to me – is that all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, and it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase. They quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know it’s normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.</p>
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</div><p>If you shift your goal from the product you are trying to achieve to the process of achieving it, a wonderful phenomenon occurs. All the pressure drops away. This is because, if your goal is to pay attention to only what your are doing right now, then as long as you are doing just that, you are reaching your goal in each and every moment.</p>
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</div><p>I realize it's been a (ridiculously) long while since my last post – but it's been a busy few months: Changes in my personal life, a move and, most notably for the purposes of this blog, a new job. I've moved on from the world of chain restaraunts and “upscale casual” to straight up, Michelin-rated fine dining. It's been pretty exciting. New tasks, new responsibilities, and a few new skill sets that I didn't even know I was missing.</p>
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</div><p>In all honesty, it hasn't been the smoothest of transitions. I had forgotten exactly how much it sucks to be the new guy. It doesn't help that at this level of dining there isn't really any training per se; it's kind of incumbent on you to ask the questions and mostly figure things out for yourself (which is very odd, because there are very precise and specific ways you're supposed to do <i>everything</i>). So, there's a lot of messing up. Sometimes on the floor, in front of the guest. And a lot of irritated servers giving you irritated looks and sharp corrections. Over and over and over and over. (Side note – how often have you been in a service situation as the customer and the employee you're dealing with is clearly new, and not very skilled at their job. My initial thought is generally “Oh come on already, how hard can it be to ring up a coffee?! (or make a sandwich, or get a coke refill, or whatever it is). Let's go already!” I'm grateful to say my current experience has given me a little more patience and understanding in that area).</p>
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</div><p>At my old job I was one of most senior staff, and I certainly did my share of eye-rolling and, “How can he not get this already?” when new employees would get hired. So to be that new guy, to be the one always a step or two behind, who has to take those extra few seconds to process everything, it's been a humbling experience to say the least. (And a few seconds may not seem like a lot, but when you're on the floor and you're supposed to be executing flawless, synchronized service with the other servers in front of the guest, it's pretty noticeable. You know when you bump into someone going in the opposite direction, and then there's that awkward dance where you both try to step out of each other's way but you do it in the same direction, and then maybe go back and forth a couple more times? Yeah, it's like that, but with meals the guests are forking over $200 a head for).</p>
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</div><p>I think one of the main reasons it can be so frustrating in trying to learn a new skill, or to grow in an unfamiliar area – creatively, professionally, whatever – is because we have the ideal in our mind; we know what the end result is supposed to look like, so each and every time we fall short of that result (which is going to happen, and going to happen a lot when we're in the process of learning) the natural inclination for a lot of us, I think, is to criticize ourselves for not “getting it” fast enough and we get frustrated, and start to maybe think "well, I guess this just isn't for me."
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</div><p>Of course, this is ridiculous. Yes, we all have certain innate talents or leanings, but even those in the tops of their fields didn't get there without making lots of mistakes along the way. The main thing I've had to remember is just to be observant, to learn from those mistakes, and try to be aware and not do them again. We recently had a new sommelier come on, someone with years in the business, and he had a great introductory speech to the crew where he basically said, “I know wine, but obviously I don't 100% know your system or how you operate. I'm going to make a lot of mistakes – hopefully not too many the guest will notice – so just correct me as we go and I'll do my best to get acclimated and have things running smoothly as fast as possible.” That was such a great attitude (especially fom someone in a senior position) – just the knowledge and acceptance that, yep, things are going to be a little choppy at first. I especially love that he didn't say “I <i>may</i> make <i>some</i> mistakes,” but rather “I'm <i>going</i> to make a <i>lot</i> of mistakes.” Because that's how it is at first for a lot of us. There may be some people who only need to be shown something once, and then they do it perfectly each and every time after that. But that's not me. The key is to pay attention to the moment, and to continue to learn. As long as we continue to do that, growth is inevitable.</p>
</div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-75697108009960890932011-08-31T11:43:00.002-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.419-06:00I never said I was the Dalai f*cking Lama...<div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;"> <br />
</span></i></div><div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">When an ordinary waiter attains knowledge, he is a sage. When a sage attains understanding, he is an ordinary waiter. Both have to tip out the bar.</span></i></div><div><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">-<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1314807718&sr=1-1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Zen and the Art of Waitering</span></a></span></i></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;"> <br />
</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">I asked my friend Peter a couple of weeks ago what he thought of my <a href="http://zenandtheartofwaitering.blogspot.com/2011/08/when-it-rains-it-pours.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">recent blog post</span></a>, and he replied by saying that he liked it (at least, that's how I'm choosing to remember it), but that it was similar to some of my other posts in the past in that a) it was fairly negative, and b) I sounded really, really bitter. My response: "I never said I was the Dalai f*cking Lama." My attempt with this blog has always been to relate the challenges this somewhat bizarre profession throws up against me, and my attempts to navigate those challenges - hopefully growing and/or learning something along the way. To that end (or, more truthfully, calling me on my bullsh*t), Peter challenged me to write a <i>positive</i> blog entry next time - so that's what this (hopefully) will be.</span><br />
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</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">One of the most crucial aspects with any practice, be it spiritual, sports, music, whatever, is to make notes of your improvements along the way. We're going to fall short of our ideals - that's why it's a <i>practice</i>. But occasionally though, there are some markers along the way. Some recent ones for me...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;"> <br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">A little while ago, one of my co-workers asked me how my night was going: if I was making decent money, how my tips were, etc. I paused to respond, and realized <i>I had absolutely no idea.</i> I had no idea what my sales were, I had no idea what my tips had been like, I hadn't been paying attention to any of those things at all. I was just going through my night, providing service, navigating the waters, and taking in whatever I got. This is not the norm; usually, if you were to ask me that question, my response would have been something like, "Pretty good, I'm at about $850/ $875 in sales right now, gotten some pretty decent tips - couple of $15 on $70s, mostly 18-20%, but this <i>one</i> table, uch, they left me $15 on $125; and I ran my <i>ass </i>off for them - how hard is it to leave 15%?!" But that night, and really, almost every night since then, I just haven't cared. It doesn't matter. Keeping track of those things in no way, shape, or form helps me to do my job any better - if anything, it lessens my effectiveness because I'm steaming about a 10% tip or how crappy my sales are or whatnot.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;"> <br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">Another example: just this past Sunday I was working a dinner shift and had an <i>extremely</i> slow start. The server I was relieving was keeping all of her tables, which then proceeded to camp out, so it was about an hour before I got my first table. After that, some of the tables from my section were removed to give to another server for a party he was working (this actually happened on two sides of me simultaneously, basically halving my section to just two tables). In the past my normal reaction would have been to immediately start bitching ("G-damnit, it's hard <i>enough</i> to make money here without losing half my section..." etc, etc). But I didn't. I didn't care. I was able to look past the immediacy of the moment and just accept and allow what the restaurant was giving me, trusting that it would probably even out in the end. Sure enough, because of the way the parties had played out my neighbors on both ends ending up giving me a 5 and a 6 top respectively, so for the next turn I was running three 6-tops and a 5 (translation for non-waiters: Good money). The point being, I was able to look past the immediacy of the moment (I'm getting screwed) and just trust the universe to deliver on its own timetable.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;"> <br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">The last thing I'll mention is a bit of satori I experienced a while back, and have gratefully been able to call upon regularly since then ("satori" is a Buddhist term meaning "a sudden flash of insight or awakening"). Have you ever had a dream where you became lucid in the middle of it? As in, you woke up in the dream, were able to look around and realize, "Oh, hey, I'm dreaming. None of this is real"? The same thing happened to me at work. The kitchen was running long on ticket times, I was running around looking for serving spoons or something and, just as I was starting to get all worked up about it, it suddenly occurred to me that <i>absolutely none of this really mattered</i>. None of this was actually "real" in the sense of being the least bit important; certainly not in the Big Picture, but also not in <i>any</i> Picture beyond that brief turn of tables. Aside from just <i>saying</i> "<a href="http://zenandtheartofwaitering.blogspot.com/2011/07/its-only-food-its-only-food-its-only.html"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">It's only food</span></a>," I actually<i> believed </i> it. I'm not sure how or why that finally sunk in, I'm just grateful it did.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;"> <br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 85%;">Okay, glad that's done. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SyJ-ZCW3FI"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Back to being bitter</span></a>.</span></div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-43321523344905847292011-08-23T10:44:00.017-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.351-06:00Being weeded is a choice...<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12.0px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;"><i>
<br /></i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12.0px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;"><i>When you are rushed you must slow down. When you are pressed you must pause. Weeded is a state of mind.</i></span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12.0px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;"><i>
<br /></i></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12.0px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;"><i>-Zen Master Ichi</i></span></p><p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">♦</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">Table 31 is being sat, food is arriving at 25. Dessert will be coming out shortly for table 32 and the leftovers from their main course have yet to be boxed and their table reset (let alone have been offered coffee). Most egregious of all, it has been almost 10 minutes and still no sign of drinks for 24.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">It is easy to become overwhelmed; to feel as helpless in the onslaught of these tasks as if staring into the face of an approaching tsunami. If you allow yourself, you will be destroyed. But the choice to succeed or fail is yours to make.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">The apprentice cries, “Master, it is not my fault; there is too much for me to do at once!” And indeed, you are correct: there <i>is</i> too much to be accomplished at once. Even the great waiter Sanyo, who would run three six-tops and a party of twelve Russians without batting an eye, would be unable to accomplish all such tasks at one time. The solution lies solely in a shift in perception – whereas the apprentice will feel as if drowning in a sea of demands, the master sees not one overwhelming force but a series of individual tasks which, when taken one at a time, can be surmounted. The most important thing to remember when faced with such an onslaught is to <i>maintain your calm.</i> Slow down<b>,</b> even though the natural inclination is to hurry. Do not tally, but do not rush. The guest will sense your distress and will become worried that their meal is in jeopardy. This is the Sixth Noble Truth: <b>If you <i>appear</i> in control, the guest will assume that you <i>are</i> in control</b>, and will be more inclined to wait without griping. Understand that the guest dines in a constant, subconscious state of near-panic - if anything is the least bit askew, they assume the worst. Show no weakness in front of the guest. As long as you maintain the appearance of calm, the guest will take waiting in stride.</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Symbol; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">♦</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">Do not be afraid to ask one of your fellow waiters (or, may the heavens forbid, a manager) for help. It is the wise man who knows he cannot run a restaurant by himself and enlists others for aid - do not allow pride to take over and so detract from the guest’s experience. There is always a point where you are free to help and your co-worker is being slaughtered as the spring lamb, and vice-versa. It is said that during the time of the Xang dynasty, waiters were so wise and learned that they freely and actively gave aid to one another, often pointedly seeking to do so. Seers declare that when all waiters return to this discipline, a new golden age will begin.</span></p> <p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Symbol; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal Symbol; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">♦</span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p> <p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">Sometimes people just have to wait. Do what you can: ask for help, consolidate your steps, but in the end there is only so much even the gods can do. Accepting limitations is an important part of growth. Often we become stressed or agitated; as the chattering mind thinks that somehow this means you are “doing” something about it, something productive. It cannot abide relaxing, because it is convinced this means you are giving up. Indeed you are giving up - you are giving up the illusion of control. Being upset or stressed does not make the kitchen move faster nor does it make you any more able to do your job; if anything, it lessens your effectiveness. So relax. Be the calm in the eye of the storm. This understanding applies to all things. <b>It is a sad truth that the busier one is, the less money one receives. The secret: do not be busy. </b>As Lao Tzu wrote, “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” When facing an onslaught of tasks, become as nature.</span></p><p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">♦</span></p><p style="text-align: center;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">Slow down, maintain calm</span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">Being weeded is a choice</span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">So do not choose it</span></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;">
<br /></span></p><p style="text-align: right;margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font: normal normal normal 12px/normal 'Times New Roman'; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';font-size:130%;"><i><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Art-Waitering-ebook/dp/B003E35ZIC">-Zen and the Art of Waitering</a></i></span></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-8373745741696478292011-08-15T10:38:00.015-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.432-06:00When it rains, it pours<meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title></title> <meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.2 (Linux)"> <style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; font-weight: normal; line-height: 100%"> <span><span><span><i>There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you will still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to everything.</i></span></span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span><span><span><i><span style="font-weight: normal">--Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai</span></i></span></span></span></p> <p align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span><span><span><i><span style="font-weight: normal">*</span></i></span></span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span><span><span><i><span style="font-weight: normal">W</span><span style="font-weight: normal">hen you can do nothing, what can you do?</span></i></span></span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span><span><span><i><span style="font-weight: normal">--Zen </span></i><i><span style="font-weight: normal">Koan</span></i></span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%"><span><span><span>
<br /></span></span></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%"><span><span><span>For the past few months or so work has been, to put it bluntly, an absolute sh*t show. Labor cuts, lack of supplies, problems in the kitchen, new staff, and just general all-around mismanagement have combined to create a work environment where just getting through an average shift – I don't even want to talk about Friday through Sunday – requires a Herculean effort for what is an increasingly Sisyphean task. I can pretty much count on <i>something</i> <span style="font-style: normal">going wrong – a late ticket, a missing entree, something made wrong, getting weeded because </span>I'm stuck waiting on the bakery – at least once a turn, and it's often left me feeling like I'm keeping my station from collapsing into pure chaos on the strength of will alone.</span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%"><span><span><span>I try to hold fast to a general rule, which is that unless I'm doing anything about a situation – in this case, looking desperately for a new job so I can get the hell off of this sinking ship before it fully capsizes <meta equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8">– I have absolutely no right to complain. I've written before about <a href="http://zenandtheartofwaitering.blogspot.com/2010/03/bitch-bitch-bitch.html">the allure of complaining</a>; how addictive it can be and how inescapable it seems on any given shift (like moths to a flame, so are servers to bitching). <span style="font-weight: normal">The </span><span style="font-weight: normal">truth is, there's definitely a small </span><span style="font-weight: normal">rush </span><span style="font-weight: normal">that comes from letting loose in a full-on bitch session. Not just the energy of </span><span style="font-weight: normal">the </span><span style="font-weight: normal">anger but also </span><span style="font-weight: normal">a </span><span style="font-weight: normal">temporary (and completely </span><span style="font-weight: normal">illusory</span><span style="font-weight: normal">) feeling of powe</span><span style="font-weight: normal">r; some scrap of control over a situation where you are, in reality, totally powerless. </span><span style="font-weight: normal">But it's an </span><span style="font-weight: normal">inherently</span><span style="font-weight: normal"> negative energy; as good as it may feel at the time, engaging in it always seems to leave me feeling drained, exasperated </span><span style="font-weight: normal">and, ultimately, defeated.</span></span></span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span><span><span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">When it comes down to it, I can't make sure we have enough trays or steak knives or whatever it is in stock </span></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; ">– </span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">all I can do is let a manager know when we don't have what we need (and continue to let them know, </span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">over and over</span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">). I can't make the kitchen not have 30-minute ticket times, I can just send my food as fast as possible and course a lot tighter than I normally would (translation for non-waiters: send the dinner order five minutes after I send the appetizer order). And I can't do anything about having to work with a glut of green servers with little to no experience, all I can do there is </span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">to </span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">offer my help and to make a (strongly) concerted effort to not be as condescending and bitter as possible.</span></span></span></span></p><meta equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%"><span><span><span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">Like so much in life, it just comes down to acceptance, time and time again. The above quote from the Hagakure is one of my all</span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">-</span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">time favorites, because it really </span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">does extend “to everything.</span></span><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">” Right now when I go into work most nights, odds are it's going to be a rainstorm. I can attempt to run and duck under the eaves of houses all I want, but I'm still going to get soaked. Or, I can walk calmly and peacefully through the storm: still drenched, but at least with some small measure of serenity.</span></span></span></span></span></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-21020878632586519322011-07-12T14:32:00.003-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.307-06:00"It's only food, it's only food, it's only food..."<meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title></title> <meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.2 (Linux)"> <style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span ><span ><span lang="en-US"><i><span style="font-weight: normal">Above all, remember the Seventh Noble Truth: </span></i></span></span></span></span><span ><span ><span ><span lang="en-US"><i><b>It is only food.</b></i></span></span></span></span><span ><span ><span ><span lang="en-US"><i><span style="font-weight: normal"> When you feel rage beginning to surface or exasperation threatening to submerge you, repeat this again and again. Let it be your mantra. It is only food. It is only food. It is only food. This applies to all areas.</span></i></span></span></span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span ><span ><span lang="en-US"><i><span style="font-weight: normal">--Zen and the Art of Waitering</span></i></span></span></span></span></p> <p align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span ><span ><span lang="en-US"><span style="font-style: normal"><span style="font-weight: normal">*</span></span></span></span></span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span ><span ><i><span style="font-weight: normal">Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.</span></i></span></span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><i>--Steve Jobs</i></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span style="font-style: normal">The above quote is from a commencement speech address Steve Jobs gave to the Stanford graduating class of 2005 (like me, Steve Jobs is a college dropout. Unlike me, Steve Jobs is worth $6.1 billion). In it, Jobs reflects on his decision to follow the path less chosen, the blessing in disguise of being fired by the company he co-founded (in the interim, he founded Pixar studios and created the technology that would be at the heart of Apple's late 00's renaissance), and his brush with cancer, an event that would forever change his perspective on what matters in life. Far from being depressing or nihilistic, being ever mindful of one's own mortality is an amazingly positive and transformative tool. There's a thousands-years-old practice of Buddhist corpse meditation where you literally meditate on yourself become a corpse: the body bloating with gas, maggots eating your flesh, decomposing into the earth, the bones eventually turning to dust, etc. Practiced regularly, it greatly helps to establish a clarity about priorities in life and keep things in their </span></span><span ><i>true</i></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> perspective.</span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span style="font-style: normal">Navigating life effectively for me really is all about perspective, and it's certainly not something that comes easily or naturally. My </span></span><span ><i>natural </i></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">instinct is to be constantly caught up in the crisis of the moment, usually freaking out to varying degrees about 30-minute ticket times or misrun food or whatever particular nonsense is going on during that turn of tables. Stepping back from that immediate "worm's -eye view" not only helps to </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">facilitate</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> peace in an otherwise frustrating and stressful situation, it also has the added benefit of increasing my effectiveness. Trying to keep in mind that “is is only food” helps you to detach from the situation, and detaching from the situation leads to less wasted energy and a much more efficient use of your </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">time and </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">resources. It's a vastly better way of doing things than running around like a maniac swearing under your breath (or swearing loudly and pointedly, as I have also been guilty of).</span></span></p> <p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"> <span ><span style="font-style: normal">From my friends in the white-collar world, or with parenting, or just life goals in general, I know that perspective can be a sticky issue for all of us. We get so used to putting out those fires that are right in front of us that those </span></span><span ><i>big</i></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> things, the really important things, those never get done. If you spend all your time responding to the emails and the phone calls of whatever crisis is going on right now you'll never have the time or energy to work on the larger, more important projects, let alone the even larger (and </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">much </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">more important) </span></span><span ><i>life</i></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> goals. I don't know if it's a function of our evolutionary design, or the pressures of the modern world, but with each new problem that comes along that's all we can see. For that period of time, th</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">at specific</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> problem becomes our entire world. And, of course, there's always another problem right behind that. When you are driven only by the crisis of the moment, you have no power to move and shape your life, your life moves and shapes you – and then you tend to end up wherever moment</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">um</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> has carried you.</span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> <meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title></title> <meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.2 (Linux)"> <style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> </span></span></p><p align="LEFT" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 0.23in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"><span > <span ><span style="font-style: normal">Seeing things from that </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">whole-life </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">perspective not only clarifies personal priorities, it severely alters how we interact with each other. When you know that not only you are going to die, but the people around you are too, resentments and petty disputes, and even long standing bitterness, tend to just fall away. A</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">s a society we are unfortunately locked in a perpetually short-sighted per</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">s</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">pective,</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> and it's looking more and more to me like it's going to lead us to disaster.</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> Industry only cares about the next fiscal quarter and </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">g</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">overnment only cares about the next election cycle, </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">so anything that could be remotely detrimental to profit in the short term</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">or temporarily unpopular never gets done</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">. The Native Americans used to adhere to a seven-generation philosophy </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">for their tribal </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">government – namely any action had to be judged on how it would effect the lives of the tribe seven generations into the future. If we started applying that kind of wide-ranging perspective to </span></span><span ><i>our</i></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal"> society, </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">I wonder </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">what kind of world we w</span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">ould </span></span><span ><span style="font-style: normal">create?</span></span></span></p><p></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-30867912936313287782011-06-22T12:39:00.003-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.333-06:00A Parable<meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title></title> <meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.2 (Linux)"> <style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-top: 0.19in; margin-bottom: 0.19in">Nan-in, a Japanese master server during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.</p> <p style="margin-top: 0.19in; margin-bottom: 0.19in">Nan-in served iced tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.</p> <p style="margin-top: 0.19in; margin-bottom: 0.19in">The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"</p> <p style="margin-top: 0.19in; margin-bottom: 0.19in">"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"</p> <p style="margin-top: 0.19in; margin-bottom: 0.19in">“You idiot!” cried the professor. “You got iced tea all over me! You’re going to pay for my dry cleaning.”</p> <p style="margin-top: 0.19in; margin-bottom: 0.19in">Moral: It does not matter how enlightened you are; as a server you are still subject to those who are not.</p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-71417202642725457912011-06-14T12:10:00.015-05:002012-02-15T10:51:46.791-06:00To avoid killing your guests, envision them as already dead.<meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title></title> <meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.2 (Linux)"> <style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> <p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in"><i>If you wish to enter the mindset of the guest, it is crucial that you understand that <b>the guest does not see you as an actual human being</b>. <span><span>This is the </span></span><span><span>S</span></span><span><span>econd </span></span><span><span>Noble T</span></span><span><span>ruth of </span></span><span><span>S</span></span><span><span>ervice. </span></span><span style="font-size: 9pt"> </span><span style="font-size: 9pt"><span> </span></span>If you were to press the guest on the question of whether or not the person in front of them was a living, breathing individual - one with his own life and cares, tragedies and triumphs - they would of course concur but, truthfully, only after some consideration. The default attitude of the guest is simply to see you as a means of conveyance - a conduit of their food and drink from the ether to the table. Do not take this personally. It is simply the nature of things. Would you take it personally if a scorpion were to sting you? It is the nature of the scorpion to do so - just as it is the nature of the guest to have the self-centeredness and self-importance of a two-year-old.</i></p><p style="text-align: center;margin-bottom: 0.14in; "><b>*</b></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-bottom: 0.14in; "> <meta equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <title></title> <meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.2 (Linux)"> <style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> </p><p lang="en-US" style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2; "><span><span><span><i>To avoid killing your guests, envision them as already dead.</i></span></span></span></p><p lang="en-US" style="text-align: center;margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2; "><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><b>*</b></i></span></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-bottom: 0.14in; ">When we look at the world around us, very rarely do see things as they <i>truly</i> are. What we usually see is a conglomeration of images, assumptions and categorizations made by the mind. In other words, we don't usually see reality but rather our <i>ideas </i>about reality. For prehistoric man this was no doubt a helpful adaptive trait; it's much more useful to see lion = danger/run & hide, then to see the complex interplay of past and present, environment, ecosystem and co-dependent arising that is the actual "lion" (and I have to put "lion" in quotes because we're still just talking about an agreed-upon concept. In Reality, this thing called "lion" is actually its mother and its father, and the antelope it eats, and the water it drinks, and the earth, and the sun and the air and the entire universe itself. Again, not really useful when you're running for your life).</p><p style="text-align: left;margin-bottom: 0.14in; ">We do this every day, especially in the myriad of social interactions that make up life in the Industrialized World of the 21st century. When you check out at the grocery store, or get on the bus, or order a drink at the bar, your mind is constantly sorting and categorizing, putting everything and everyone you see into neat little organizable boxes. You might see Black Guy, or Gay Guy, or Hot Chick, or Zitface, or Bum, or even Slightly Surly Indie Coffeehouse Barista and Thinks He's So Cool Hipster DBag etc, etc. It's immensely rare that we look past our first impressions to the actual flesh and blood human being beneath (mainly because it'd be pretty hard to get anything done). So it should come as no surprise that guests do this all the time with their servers, and we do it all the time with them.</p><p style="text-align: left;margin-bottom: 0.14in; ">All this may make our social interactions slightly more efficient, but it has the added cost of fostering and supporting misunderstandings and prejudice. It's the dirty little secret of the service industry that a lot of us have some not so nice assumptions about our clientele based on things like race, and nationality, and class, and many servers <i>do</i> allow this to affect their service and their attitude. Of course, when a server approaches a table with a preconditioned hostility the guest is usually going to pick up on it - at least subconsciously - no matter how well the server thinks they are hiding it. Then the guest has some hostility in response - again, maybe just subconsciously - which the server picks up on, which only serves to "confirm" the original bias. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a server say "I can't believe I have to deal with these [fill in the blank]<jerks>; they want all these refills and extra sauces and all this stuff - I <i>know</i> they're not going to tip me anything, so I'm sure not going to hurry at all. They can wait." And then, after the bill is paid, "See, they stiffed me! What'd I tell you?!" The worst example of this was when I overheard a server say that a table had accidentally left a fifty dollar bill with the check where they clearly meant to leave a twenty (and he still had a chance to correct the mistake before they left). The thing is, the twenty would have made it a clear 20% tip and when I asked him if he didn't feel guilty taking advantage of someone who was nice enough to leave him a good tip in the first place, he responded, "Oh, those people screw me over all the time. It's about time I got something back." And by "those people" he didn't mean the four-top he had just waited on.</jerks></p><p style="text-align: left;margin-bottom: 0.14in; ">What's the solution? Our brains just so naturally default to putting people in boxes. For my part, I really try to be mindful when approaching a table, to be aware of how my mind is instantly sizing them up and try to replace that with at least an understanding of them as an actual person. It's especially hard when a guest is rude, to not immediately think "rich pr*ck" or "stuck-up _____" etc, instead of looking through that to see someone who themselves may be hurting, or unhappy, or had a really bad day or maybe even a bad childhood. Maybe they <i>are</i> being a jerk right now, or self-centered, or demanding, but they also were once an innocent, smiling one-year old. At some point in their life they too have suffered tragedy and loss - they've had or will have a loved one die, and they themselves will face sickness and death. They have known fear, and sadness, and disappointment, as well as joy and love. That is not to say we allow ourselves to be doormats, or continue to put up with unacceptable behavior, but that we look through that to the flawed and fragile human being that lies beneath.</p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-20765311711407556362011-06-08T14:11:00.005-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.299-06:00In Memoriam...<i>Prepare yourself physically and mentally for the task ahead. If you have not slept or eaten properly (or are hung over) you will surely suffer. Draw your focus to your breath. Attune your senses into the now. A waiter must be quick but not frenzied; calm, yet alert. If you have any problems outside of work that is where you must leave them; in service, as in war, grief has no place on the battlefield.</i><p></p> <p lang="en-US" align="CENTER" style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2"><b><span class="Apple-style-span">*</span></b></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><span class="Apple-style-span">One of my friends, and coworkers, passed away last month. It was completely out of the blue; he had been having some medical problems - serious, but not <i>terminally </i><span style="font-style: normal">serious - but was out of the hospital and planning on moving cross country with his wife at the end of the week. He actually met up with a bunch of us at a Cubs game just a couple of days beforehand - a little haggard but, by all accounts, in good spirits</span><span style="font-style: normal">. Then overnight, at home, there was a complication and all of a sudden he was in the hospital in </span><span style="font-style: normal">with “minimal brain activity” and in </span><span style="font-style: normal">critical condition. When I came in to work the next day for the lunch shift the staff was walking around like zombies. The latest news was </span><span style="font-style: normal">that the doctors </span><span style="font-style: normal">were going to try a “hail-mary” surgery but the prognosis, </span><span style="font-style: normal">obviously,</span><span style="font-style: normal"> wasn't very hopeful. But the world didn't stop just because our friend was all of a sudden probably about to die. The restaurant was still open, people were still coming in for lunch, the kitchen was still backed up, guests were still occasionally rude. And I still had to be friendly and give good service.</span></span></p><meta equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-style: normal">Wh</span><span style="font-style: normal">en word that he had passed made it around to me (and that's how it happened, the information wasn't announced so much as spread in whispers and asides from server to server) I was in the middle of getting an iced tea refill for table 106, had to go take an order for 107, check on the food (which was over twenty minutes) for table 108, and run a credit card at table 105. There </span><span style="font-style: normal">simply </span><span style="font-style: normal">wasn't time to process anything, much less grieve. Food still had to go out, orders still had to be taken, and iced teas still needed to be refilled.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-style: normal">The next 36 hours stood as a testament to the humanity and grace of our management and coworkers that, quite frankly, I would never have expected. Because of religious reasons Patrick's family was holding the funeral service just two days after his death - on a Saturday no less - making it nearly impossible for any of us to attend. Our GM and managers immediately started working with the floor plan: adjusting in-times, getting reliefs to come in early, running a couple of servers or food runners short, whatever they could do to free up those of us who were close to Patrick (and there were a lot of us, Pat was a career server and had been with the company 14 years) to attend the service. Newer employees who weren't as close to the man picked up doubles, came in early or stayed late without complaining, just so his friends could pay their respects and grieve in peace. Our former GM actually flew in from California the morning of the service so he could attend and I later heard through the grapevine that our current GM </span><i>personally </i><span style="font-style: normal">had helped out with Patrick's hospital costs</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-style: normal; ">And it's that - that coming together of people working around the system, doing what needs to be done so that the business could keep running but that we, the actual human beings, could have our time - that makes me well up just sitting here writing about it, even over a month after it happened. </span>Because the world doesn't stop for pain, or for tragedy, or for loss. <i>We</i><span style="font-style: normal; "> stop. The world itself is fairly indifferent. It's we who care, it's we who make the meaning. Tragedy takes us out of the world, makes us take stock and, hopefully, wakes us up to what's really important. And the days pass, and the earth keeps turning, and the tables do too. Before you know it you're right back to complaining about your shitty section, or the or the bad tip, or your managers or your coworkers or whatever whatever. But for a few days last month each of us knew what was really important, and each of us treated each other with genuine warmth and grace and care – like actual human beings.</span></span></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-19512203638022691612011-02-15T17:54:00.003-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.290-06:00Ignorance may not be bliss, but at least it's a handy excuse<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;color:black">To see what is right, and not to do it, is want of courage or of principle<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;color:black">--Confucius</span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;color:black"></span></i></span>One of the greatest abilities of the human mind seems to be the ability to completely ignore that which we know to be true, especially if we believe that accepting that truth and acting appropriately will cause any pain, anxiety or stress (and sometimes just minor inconvenience). To wit: over the weekend I <i>finally</i> got around to watching the documentary <i><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1286537/">Food, Inc.</a></i> For those not familiar, it's a documentary about the business of food in America, and isn't very pretty. Basically if you eat anything from a grocery store, fast food outlet, or most restaurants, you're participating in a system that not only causes tremendous amounts of suffering for animals, but is responsible for destroying small farms, harming the environment, contributing to the oil crisis, putting all kinds of chemicals (including poisons) in what we eat and drink, and creating food that is not just unhealthy but can be downright dangerous. It's also a system that perpetuates government corruption, gives billions of dollars to a very small handful of corporations who are only gaining more and more control over what we eat and drink, and it's all only getting worse. It's one of those documentaries where you can't help but be outraged, and more than a little sick. It makes you want to change everything - which is exactly why I've been purposefully avoiding it since it came out in 2008.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">To really change my behavior the way the facts of the matter tell me I should basically means completely changing how and what I eat. First of all, forget about all fast-food/casual dining restaurants, and pretty much all sit-down restaurants as well. Secondly, any beef I eat is going to have to be grass-fed, and any chicken has to be free-range. That's not cheap. I can eat fish, but there are so many toxins in our fish now that you're only supposed to have it a couple of times a week. Also, all my produce (and the meat too, for that matter) should only be sourced locally or come from farmers' markets (did I mention I live in Chicago?) because of the amount of gas needed to drive our food everywhere (the average meal takes about 1500 miles to get from the farm to your plate). Taken all together, that's an <i>immense</i> shift in my day-to-day life, and I honestly don't know if I'm up for it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The same thing happened a couple of years ago, when I spent a week at a <a href="http://bluecliffmonastery.org/sidebar/visiting-us">Buddhist monastery</a> in upstate New York. Buddhist views on diet vary, but for the most part practicing Buddhists tend to be vegetarians or vegans. This is not because the Buddha said "Thou Shalt Not Eat Meat," because he didn't (Buddhism really isn’t about "Thou Shalt's" so much as it is "it might be helpful if…" or "you might want to consider…"). It's because almost everything in Buddhism revolves around and comes out of the continued practice of mindfulness, of being completely present and aware at all times. When you work, you work mindfully; when you walk, you walk mindfully; and when you eat, you eat mindfully. And when you truly eat mindfully, you can't help but think about the suffering that the animal went through and the fear they must have felt (let alone all the chemicals and toxins and the environmental stuff), and it immediately makes it impossible to continue. I really can't describe the sensation accurately, it's like actually <i>tasting </i>pain and fear (it tastes a little like a McRib (Zing!)).</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Near the end of my stay there, I began to wonder if I was actually going to be able to go back to consuming meat and animal products, of being an active participant in the torture of my animal brothers and sisters and the continued destruction of our shared environment. I strongly considered turning vegan for all of about 48 hours, but the minute I got to the airport to fly home, where do you think was the first place I hit after I got through security? Wendy's. For a double hamburger. There was a brief outcry from my conscience of "This is wrong! You know you can't be doing this!" which I promptly, and <i>consciously</i>, ignored. I simply turned it off. Which I do a lot of. I really try to be mindful, as long as it's not too inconvenient. I did it for years as a smoker (I finally quit a little over two years ago, which I attribute greatly to practicing mindfulness), and I'm doing it with the food thing now and, to a certain extent, I do it with my employment.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Right Livelihood is one of the eight elements of Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path, and it is loosely defined as not engaging in a trade or occupation that, directly <i>or indirectly</i>, results in harm for other living beings. Well, not only does working in the restaurant industry mean I'm an active participant in the whole U.S. corporate-food monstrosity, I'm also contributing to obesity, diabetes and heart disease (especially the chain-restaurant where <i>I</i> work, which is basically little more than a fat and sugar meth lab), let alone the obscene amount of food we waste. But what am I supposed to do? Drop out of the system? Completely change everything about how I live? If everyone who had a job that indirectly caused harm to any other living being stopped working, it would destroy the world economy. All of mankind would have to completely rethink how we relate to each other and the way we structure society. It would do nothing short of change the world. And I don't know about you, but I'm not ready for that. I want my McRib.</p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-53847053742841134142011-02-01T17:14:00.005-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.376-06:00Happy Happy Joy Joy<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i>"I'm not happy, I'm not happy," nobody's happy OK? Happiness comes in small doses folks; it's a cigarette or a chocolate chip cookie or a 5 second orgasm. You c**, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to f***ing work. That is it, end of f***ing list.</i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i> -Dennis Leary</i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Symbol; font-style: normal; line-height: 20px; ">¨</span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><i></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="body"><span style="color: black; ">There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); "><span class="Apple-style-span"><i><span class="body"><span style="color: black; ">-The Buddha</span></span></i></span></p><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="body"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt; color:black"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Symbol; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; ">¨</span> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;color:black">I've been on a hot streak at work lately: lots of good tips and smooth shifts, to the point where I've really <i>enjoyed</i> being at work. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate waiting tables, but I usually don't actively enjoy it either. It's something I do to earn a living - I show up, I do my job, I go home. And sometimes it can be incredibly frustrating. It often feels like the bad days outweigh the good, mainly because it's so easy for things to go wrong. In-between days are the rule, but the "great" shift, the shifts where you walk away saying what a great day you had, those are rare.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So I started wondering what had to occur for me to have that "great" shift, what elements had to come together. This is how it broke down:</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Smoothness: By this I mean all my support systems, the things I rely on to get my job done, are getting done. Food is coming out of the kitchen in a timely fashion, bread is sliced and ready to go, the bakery and bar aren't weeded themselves, clean glasses, plateware and silverware are readily available, etc. I have all the tools I need to do my job, and I'm not kept waiting for anything - I can grab what I need and go.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Clientele: Everyone's nice and friendly. To clarify: I'm not looking to be best friends with my guests - I've never been one of those "So, what have you got planned for the weekend?" type of servers. I don't care. I don't want to get involved, I just bring the food. I just mean people treat me with a modicum of respect and aren't demonstrably rude. That's enough.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Tips: Here's the thing, it's not just about money. I've had very lucrative shifts that were an absolute shit show to get through; shifts where I was running my ass and one step behind all night. Yeah, I made money, but I had to kill myself to get it. It all comes down to the B/D ratio (Bullshit to Dollar). There is a certain amount of bullshit I will put up with for a certain amount of money. Kitchen's crashed and I can't get bread? If I make $200, I can overlook that. If I get run all night and only make $120, it's a lot harder to swallow than if I do nothing and make $100, even though I'm making less money. Of course, if I make anything less than $120 on a dinner shift, it's still hard to qualify as a good night.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">So, if it takes all these elements coming together: the kitchen, support systems, clientele, tips, etc, for me to have a "great" shift, how many great shifts do you think I have? Not very many. Odds are, <i>some</i> element is going to be missing. So is that a good recipe for happiness? Not really, especially considering how many elements are outside of my control. When we pin our happiness on anything outside of ourselves and our own attitude, we're just setting ourselves up for disappointment, time and time again. What's the solution? I think it's to make happiness <i>itself </i>the priority, rather than these other things that need to happen for me to <i>be</i> happy. It's an experiment I've been trying with varying degrees of success - going into my shift with the attitude that come hell or high water, I'm going to stay in a good mood, that <i>that's</i> the most important thing. Because when you get right down to it, wouldn't you rather be in a good mood than a bad one? Not to sound Pollyanna, but doesn't it make you happier to, well, be happy? It takes a <i>lot </i>acceptance and a lot of letting go. Shitty tip? Let it go. 10-minute margarita? Let it go. Dirty silverware, mis-run food, rude guests? Let it all go. At the end of the day, it's only food. I spend 32-40 hours of my life a week at work, between 1500 and 2000 hours a year. That's the equivalent of 80 24-hour days, or 125 days of 16-hour waking time per calendar year. That's waaaay too much of life to just write off.</p><object width="480" height="358"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/video/x12igl?width=&theme=none&foreground=%23F7FFFD&highlight=%23FFC300&background=%23171D1B&start=&animatedTitle=&iframe=0&additionalInfos=0&autoPlay=0&hideInfos=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/video/x12igl?width=&theme=none&foreground=%23F7FFFD&highlight=%23FFC300&background=%23171D1B&start=&animatedTitle=&iframe=0&additionalInfos=0&autoPlay=0&hideInfos=0" width="480" height="358" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12igl_happy-happy-joy-joy_fun">Happy Happy Joy Joy</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/empiempi">empiempi</a>. - <a target="_self" href="http://www.dailymotion.com/us/channel/fun">Sitcom, sketch, and standup comedy videos.</a></i>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-53667363750670036442011-01-19T12:55:00.002-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.368-06:00"Pray for patience, God puts you in a traffic jam."<p class="MsoNormal">--Anonymous</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">*</p><p class="MsoNormal">The above quote is one of my favorite sayings because I find it to be so true, time and time again. When you're really trying to change, the Universe has a way of throwing you into the fire to see how much you really mean it. And it makes sense - it's easy to be Zen sitting in a field on a calm sunny day; the real test comes when you're in that bumper to bumper traffic, or stuck in line at the grocery store, or trying to get your food out of the kitchen at 20 minutes when you realize <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">Sauté</span></span> hasn't even started your Picatta. Because that's where it matters. Unfortunately, we don't get to spend our whole lives in the sunny field - that's just not the way life seems to work. We can cultivate pleasant environments and situations, we can seek out respite, but at the end of the day there will always be turmoil and loss. It's just part of the package.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">That brings me to my current situation: we're over two weeks into the New Year, which is a pretty good time to check in with those New Year's Resolutions. Flossing? Check. Not letting crap pile up around the house? Doing okay, could be better. Maintaining Zen Master calm and tranquility throughout every workday no matter what the situation? Well….</p> <p class="MsoNormal">It seems that no sooner had I made maintaining calm a priority then I was hit with a rapid succession of mis-run food, quadruple seating, horrible tips (with some flat-out stiffs), and a myriad of other assorted annoyances. And that's when you get to see how much (or how little) you've grown. Some nights I've been able to laugh it off. Some nights I've been running around cursing fiercely under my breath. And some nights it's been a little of both. Part of my whole point with <i>Zen and the Art of Waitering</i> is that there are definitely actions we can take, preparations and organizing, to prevent problems before they occur or to mitigate them as they come up. That's one part. The other part is accepting those things you <i>cannot </i>change, and then letting them go - completely, and without looking back. It's that combination of action and acceptance that makes Zen such an effective way of dealing with the world. But it's not a mystical state of being that we magically attain after meditating x-number of hours (at least, it hasn't been for me yet). Action is a choice. Acceptance is a choice. Zen is a choice. They are choices we must make again and again, no matter what the situation. Easier said then done, but that doesn't mean we should stop trying.</p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-44444241946236634442010-12-09T12:39:00.006-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.361-06:00Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Stop. Please, Just Stop.<p class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman"">The secret to eternal happiness is to never wish to be anywhere but where you are. Wherever you are, embrace it fully. Say yes to it unreservedly. For there is nothing more foolish than fighting the reality of what</span></i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""> <span style="mso-bidi-font-style:italic">is.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Symbol;mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol"><span style="mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Symbol">¨</span></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="NoSpacing"><span class="body"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman"">If you do not like something, change it. If you cannot change it, change your attitude. Do not complain.<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="NoSpacing"><span class="body"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman"">--Maya Angelou<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="NoSpacing"><span class="body"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""><!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;font-family:Symbol;mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol"><span style="mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Symbol">¨</span></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"">For me, one of the single most annoying things about being in the service industry – more annoying than bad tips, rude guests, or loud children – is holiday music. Specifically, being forced to listen to holiday music six to eight hours a day for a month and a half straight. The normal music is bad enough; many years ago at one of my old jobs (before satellite radio) we had those cassette tapes that run on infinite loops, just replaying the same hour, hour-and-a-half of music over and over and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">over</i>. One summer they replayed the same <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">one</i> tape for over a month straight; to this day I still can’t hear “Ironic” by Alanis Morisette without getting nauseous. But holiday music is in a class by itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Part of it might be because I was raised Jewish, and so I really don’t have any fond memories associated with Christmas music (besides Vince Guaraldi's jazz score from “A Charlie Brown Christmas"). But I think the main reason is because Christmas music is almost universally shitty. “White Christmas,” “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” that awful, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">awful</i> Paul McCartney song (“Simply, having, a wonderful Christmas time….”) and worst of all, “Jingle Bell Rock,” they all make me wretch. (“Jingle Bell Rock” I think deserves special mention just because of the way it lodges itself in your head, like a parasite burrowing underneath your skin, and you find <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">yourself</i> singing it – over and over). And the less said about that Barbara Streisand monstrosity (Jingle bells, jingle bells, jing, jangle! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jing, jangle!) the better. In my mind, there have really only been three good Christmas songs ever written: “Christmas in Hollis” by Run-DMC, The Jackson 5 version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and Prince’s “<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETbXkTqUzpg">Another Lonely Christmas</a>” (which, if you’ve never heard it, is beautiful albeit <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">immensely</i> depressing). Even the reliably cynical John Lennon could not withstand the Christmas schmaltz – “So This Is Christmas” is one of his most annoyingly cloying songs (a children’s choir John? Really?).<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"">So, every year, between the day after Thanksgiving and the end of the first week of January, I bitch. I bitch relentlessly, over and over <s>--</s> “Not Jingle Bell Rock <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">again</i>!”, “God I hate Paul McCartney!” and so forth. But what can I do? The Christmas music certainly isn’t going anywhere (and, for the time being, neither am I), and the end result of being constantly annoyed is pretty much that I'm walking around feeling constantly annoyed. It’s really not a good feeling. So why do I bitch? What’s to be gained? If I'm completely honest with myself I think on some level I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">like</i> being annoyed; having something to bitch about is a nice little boost for the ego, it's the ego's way of saying, “I’m <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">better</i> than this music,” or "If <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">I </i>was running the show things would be different" (we’d only be listening to ‘A<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"> </i>Motown Christmas’ for one). But it still doesn't feel good. So, as an experiment, the other night I just stopped bitching. I stopped bitching and accepted unreservedly that awful, awful Christmas music that could not be escaped. When “Jingle Bell Rock” got stuck in my head, I sang it and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">let </i>myself sing it – I made myself really get into it, just belted it out. And you know what? I wasn’t annoyed anymore. I actually found myself in a good mood – whistling “Rudolph” and everything. Like a lot of things in life, it was a trade off. I had to trade in my temporary feelings of superiority for being in a good mood, and I found being in a good mood is vastly more enjoyable. Now we'll just see if I can keep it up when Streisand comes on.<o:p></o:p></span></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-28182440304125901972010-11-25T10:40:00.002-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.328-06:00Thanksgiving at Bennigan's: A Holiday Story<i>The following is a piece I wrote for Chicago's <a href="http://resto.newcity.com/2010/11/21/not-the-usual-thanksgiving-at-bennigans/">Newcity</a> magazine. It's a little longer than my usual posts, I hope you enjoy it. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!</i><div><br /></div><div>There's an odd sort of camaraderie that develops in certain work environments, not unlike between soldiers during times of war. It's a camaraderie born out of shared suffering and hardship; you don't find it in every job, but I've definitely found it in waiting tables. Part of it comes from feeling banded together against a common enemy (the customer). Another part is being separated from "normal" society by the nature and hours of the job. For the majority of waiters (and bartenders, and restaurant managers), our living is made at nights and on weekends, i.e., the times when the rest of the country has off. Our weekends are Mondays and Tuesdays; our after-work drinks don't start until 1am. But the real separation is felt during the holidays, when everyone else is enjoying the heart and hearth of home and you're sharing your season with your co-workers, not your loved ones.</div><div> <p class="MsoNormal">Don't get me wrong, I've had some wonderful holidays with my various crews - Near Year's Eve parties that, technically, didn't start until a couple of hours into New Year's Day, Christmas Day dinner in Chinatown followed by Karaoke - but one that stands out was the Thanksgiving I spent at Bennigan's in 2003.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Like with most restaurants at the chain-level, our staff was a diverse and somewhat motley assortment of individuals: musicians and college students, druggies and alcoholics, working moms and career servers. Chet was the lead singer of a not half-bad power pop/emo group (I think they were called "The Effect"); Jennifer was a recent journalism grad from U of I writing part-time for a leftist internet zine; Viktor was a part-time drug dealer who may or may not have had ties to the Hungarian mafia (he would later be arrested (and deported) for scamming customers' credit cards - he showed up to work one day and the FBI was waiting for him, I shit you not); Tom had been behind the bar for over half a decade with no plans beyond tomorrow night's pub crawl; and Maria, our manager, was a single mom who made a 3-hour roundtrip commute everyday from Rockford.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The good people at corporate, in their infinite wisdom, had decided that not only would we be open for Thanksgiving dinner that year, but that we would also be serving our very own "Bennigan's Thanksgiving Platter," "platter" in this case being used only in the loosest sense of the term. For $12.95 you got a processed turkey breast (white meat only) with something resembling gravy, powdered mash potatoes, stuffing (which had both the consistency and taste of a chopped-up cardboard mailer), frozen vegetables, and cranberry sauce straight from the can, which was pretty much the only thing about the meal that felt right.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">You might be asking yourself, who exactly would be eating out at a Bennigan's for Thanksgiving dinner. The answer? Foreign tourists, and lots of 'em. Turns out Thanksgiving isn't as big a deal in Germany or the U.K. as it is here in America. Who knew? It wasn't like we were crazy busy or anything, but we weren't dead either - we had enough business to keep us occupied and keep our minds off of all the places we'd rather be. Of course, with foreign tourists come foreign tips, which are usually on the lower end of the spectrum (tipping 20%, like Thanksgiving and Monster Truck Rallies, seems to be a uniquely American practice). So no one's really making any decent money, we're all just stuck there, and we're pretty much spending every spare moment bitching incessantly. And then, after the dinner rush had died down, Doc came in.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Doc was one of our regulars. To be more specific, he was my regular. He was, as his name suggests, a doctor - now retired - around his late sixties, early seventies. He came in several times a month; not every week, but thereabouts, always alone. Like many regulars, he had a "usual," a somewhat complicated special order that was uniquely his, pretty much a dinner of his own creation made up of various bits and pieces of the menu put together. I'd be lying if I said I still remembered it (I think it involved the Pan Seared Tilapia, sauce on the side, with plain steamed broccoli and shrimp skewers no spice, side of 3 slices of lemon and two sides of butter, but I might be making all that up), the point is that I was the only one who could keep it straight at the time, and as such I was the only one he trusted with his dinner, so he would sit in my section every time. He was a good tipper and nice enough guy - a little demanding and, shall we say, specific - but at least he appreciated the service.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I hadn't been expecting to see him; I would have thought (had I bothered to think about it) that he would be with his family. I said hello, and wished him a Happy Thanksgiving. He responded in kind and it was clear, as the words hung in the air, that we both thought better of it too late after the words had come out of our mouths. A little embarrassed, I went to our usual routine: me asking him what he was in the mood for tonight and him pretending to hem and haw before ordering the exact same thing he gets every damn time he comes in. This time though, he asked if we were doing anything special for Thanksgiving. I mentioned the "Platter," and immediately followed up with "But Doc, it looks awful, you really don't want it." He said that he was in the mood for turkey and, what the hell, he would give it a try.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Things had slowed to the point where I could hang out for a bit. It's something we would do sometimes if it was slow, we'd shoot the shit a little before I went on to the next thing. I don't usually like to get too personal with my tables, even my regulars. It's such an awkward dynamic; I'm not completely free to be myself and I'm still in a subservient position, I'd rather just stick to surface politeness and keep it at that. But it was Thanksgiving and there really wasn't much to do, and the man just seemed so damn lonely. He asked me what my family was doing for dinner and would I be seeing them - I said I'd be getting the leftovers tomorrow. I asked him in turn if he'd be seeing anyone and he replied that, no, his children were both in California and he hadn't spoken to them recently. As the conversation was turning in a somewhat uncomfortable direction, I excused myself saying I had to check on something in the kitchen.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I did have a couple of other tables to tend to, which provided me with a distraction while Doc waited for his food and read the paper, like he usually did. I went out for a smoke and when I came back he had gotten his dinner.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">"How is it?" I asked.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">He looked glumly down at the plate and poked at the turkey with his fork.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">"It's shit," he replied.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">"I told you," I said, not really surprised. "Do you want the usual?"</p> <p class="MsoNormal">"No," he said. "Thanksgiving you should have turkey. My ex-wife couldn't cook for shit, and I ate her turkey every year. This actually kind of reminds me of it."</p> <p class="MsoNormal">I laughed, and told him all right then; if he needed anything let me know. He ate the whole thing, including the mixed vegetables - which surprised me since I'd never seen him eat any vegetable that wasn't plain steamed broccoli. He read his paper and finished with his usual dessert of two cups of half-caf coffee and an Apple Sizzler. He left me his usual $8 on $35 and said goodnight.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Things were winding down and I was getting hungry myself - it was getting to be dinnertime for us, i.e, around 10 o' clock. That's when Maria, the manager, came up to the front and told us not to order any food for ourselves but to meet up in the back in five minutes. We went to the back of the restaurant and saw that she had set up a little buffet with several casserole trays covered in aluminum foil. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">"I know how much it stinks that we all have to be here," she said, "So I brought some stuff from home to share, and some others people pitched in some things in too." </p> <p class="MsoNormal">To her end there was jalapeno corn bread and arroz con gandules (rice with pidgeon peas); Charlene, from the A.M. staff, had brought in a huge tray of homemade macaroni and cheese earlier that day. George, our senior manager, had contributed a couple of Jewel-brand pumpkin pies. There were also a whole bunch of unsold "Bennigan's Thanksgiving Platters."</p> <p class="MsoNormal">And so we sat, and ate our crappy turkey alongside some really good mac n' cheese, and joked and bitched, and made lewd comments about what the gravy looked like, and had bad coffee and store-bought pumpkin pie. And it was actually a lot of fun. In retrospect, my favorite part about it was that the company didn't kick in a single thing except for the unsold turkey dinners. It was that Maria had taken it upon herself to make corn bread and rice for her staff while her sons were having their Thanksgiving at her mother's house, or that Charlene had brought in the mac n' cheese for a meal for her coworkers that she wouldn't even be at, or that, as I found out later, George (a somewhat surly gay man in his late fifties who could at times be incredibly, dryly, hilarious) had used the office's petty cash to buy the pies. It was a weird, quasi-family atmosphere, the kind that can only come about between people sharing in a uniformly shitty situation and trying to make the best out of it.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A coda: I worked at that Bennigan's for just under another year. Near the end of that time, Doc had started to come in less and less, and the last few times I saw him, he did not look well. And then, nothing. I never saw him again. Months after I left I heard from a friend of mine that was still working there that his children had actually contacted the Bennigan's wondering if we had seen him recently; they hadn't been able to get in contact with him for awhile and somehow knew that he had frequented there. The idea that in what may have been the last two years of his life I, just some punk kid waiter at a Bennigan's, may have known their father better than they did (and I certainly didn't know him well), it was just one of the saddest fucking things I could think of, and I still don't quite know what to make of it.</p></div>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-73259191488003230592010-11-17T14:17:00.006-06:002012-02-09T17:55:53.412-06:00Harmony, Counterpoint, or Discord?<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;color:black"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span">All of nature is song. Sometimes the song is in a minor key, with </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">purple tones that stir the soul, bursting the heart with pent-up </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">emotions. Sometimes it is joyous, full of rich melodies and grand chords </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">that bring electric thrills. Sometimes it descends into strange modes, </span></span><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">guttural chants, and obscure dissonances. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;color:black"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span">It is up to each of us to sing</span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span"> <span class="apple-style-span"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">as we feel moved by the overall song of life. Do we harmonize with it? </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; ">Do we sing a counterpoint? Do we purposefully sound discordant tones?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">Perhaps a student first encountering Tao endeavors to harmonize </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">with it, but that isn't all that there is to having a relationship with </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">Tao. Tao gives us the background, the broad circumstances. It is up to </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">us to fit into it, go against it, or even flutter off on oblique angles. </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">Don't look at Tao as one big inexorable stream in which we float like </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">dead logs. What could that lead to except logjams?</span></span><br /><br /><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">No, let us be like the birds. Who sing when Tao sends them rain. </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">Who know what to do when winter comes. Who embroider the sky with their </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">own unique paths. Who will sing a counterpoint when they need to. Who </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">will sing poetry that is discordant when it must be and rhymes when it </span></span><span class="apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium; "><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:10.0pt;color:black">is proper.</span></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span">--From <span class="Apple-style-span"><b><a href="http://www.amazon.com/365-Tao-Meditations-Ming-dao-Deng/dp/0062502239/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1290025134&sr=1-1">365 Tao: Daily Meditations</a></b></span> <span class="ptBrand">by Ming-dao Deng</span></span></span></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-9750197603344245632010-09-02T11:18:00.000-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.447-06:00Time is money, but sometimes it's worth a lot more then that...<p class="MsoNormal"><i>Do or do not. There is no try.</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <i>--Yoda</i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"> <o:p></o:p><b><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:Symbol; mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol"><span style="mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Symbol">¨</span></span></b></p><p class="NoSpacing" align="center" style="text-align:center"><b><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman""><o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I realize it's been awhile (a long while) since my last post, and that's kind of what I've wanted to talk about it. I got a new job, at a much, <i>much</i> nicer restaurant - I used to work at an "upscale casual" chain restaurant (think Bennigans, but with marble), I've moved on to a high-end steak house - but it's been kind of a mixed blessing. The money is better (like, really better), the clientele is (vastly) better and, once they kick in, the benefits (401(k)!) are better.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But I'm working a lot. Like, 8 shifts a week - usually about 3 doubles, a lunch and a night. It's over 50 hours a week waiting tables, which is a lot. I'm used to a workweek of about 32-40 - at my old job they wouldn't <i>let</i> you go into overtime. I realize for a lot of non-waiters, 50+ hour workweeks (or 60 or 70) are not uncommon, but for waiting tables it's a lot. First of all, waiting tables is <i>physically</i> demanding - I'm basically on my feet for ten to twelve hours a day (and, unlike some jobs, I don't get to break for Farmville or ESPN.com).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I've been so drained that in my off time it's really hard to get motivated to do anything except sleep in and waste time on the internet. Secondly, I'm not moving up any company ladder any time soon. To be a waiter is to have a job where the only real advancement is better sections and priority in scheduling (unless you want to work your way up to management, and I have <i>zero</i> interest in doing that). There are no raises and no promotions. So to sacrifice 50 hours a week is to do so with no carrot at the end of the stick - it's simply for the money made. And granted, the money is good. But is it a trade off I'm happy to make?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">One of the reasons I've always liked waiting as a profession is because it allows you the time to do other things (like write blogs and promote e-books, for instance). So when you take that away, you're left with just this <i>job</i>, and it's looking less and less appealing. It's a real catch-22: I've taken this job to make more money so I can have more freedom (and God forbid put together a savings, retirement fund, and pay off my credit cards), but because of all the time spent at the job I have less freedom than ever (I'm sure this scenario is not unfamiliar to many of you).</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">The whole thing has got me thinking about the trade-offs we make in life, the sacrifices we're forced to make in choosing one thing or another. There's only so much time in a day (or in a life), and you can only divide it up so much. At my old job I had free time and flexibility, but I was also not saving anything and continually paying the minimum on my credit cards. So it was limiting my <i>future </i>free time and flexibility.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">One of the main things I've learned from Buddhism is to try to see the situation as it truly is, without fear or desire or regret or prejudice getting in the way. We have to look at our lives and ask ourselves, time and time again: is this working? And if it's not, what's to be done about it: is it something I can change, or is it something I need to accept? If my current path is preventing me from living the life I want, I have the responsibility for figuring out what I need to do to get to the other place - and then do everything in my power to get there. I've said it before: Buddhism is not about passively accepting everything that comes your way; it's about seeing reality as it is and acting accordingly. If you're absolutely powerless over a situation and acceptance is the only thing you <i>can</i> do, then that's all you can do - that's reality. However, if there <i>is </i>something you can do about it, you have to commit yourself to that action fully and without hesitation. If you do make a mistake, or take a wrong turn, at least then you can learn from that experience and redirect yourself. If you never take any chances, you'll never learn anything and never move from where you are.</p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-83091861179240632372010-05-17T14:38:00.008-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.425-06:00Has worrying ever changed the future?<p class="MsoNormal"><i></i></p><i><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.<o:p></o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">--Charles Spurgeon</span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-family:Symbol;mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Symbol;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">¨</span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">So, for the last few months I've been involved in a job search; a process that, as I'm sure you'll all agree, can be very frustrating. I was very fortunate that I was not job-hunting out of necessity - I've been gainfully employed the entire time and I can only imagine that the frustration of not finding the right situation would have been magnified a thousand-fold otherwise.</span></span></p> <p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Still, sending out resume after resume and going on interview after interview has been a learning experience to say the least. It seemed that, much like that great line from Seinfeld, </span></span><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">the ones I liked didn't like me, and the ones that liked me I didn't like. I began to despair that I would ever find the right job and find it in time. In the restaurant industry there's a definite hiring window (especially in the Midwest): the ideal time to come on is between March and May so you'll be there for the start of the busy summer season, then you'll be slightly established to carry you through the slower fall, you'll be busy again for the holidays, and then when the dead zone of January through March rolls around hopefully you won't be low man on the totem pole anymore and you'll have a decent enough schedule to make a living while it's lean. If you miss the summer and get hired for the holidays you'll make money for those two months but you'll be kind of screwed come the New Year.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p><span style="color:black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The whole process taught me a <i>lot</i> about letting go of attachment to outcome. I'd go on interviews, think they went well, then sweat it out waiting to hear back. I had a lot of promising leads that looked like they were headed in a definite direction and then abruptly wouldn't pan out. A couple of times in particular were especially frustrating - on one occasion I made it through three interviews with a hotel restaurant and was sure, absolutely <i>sure</i>, that I had nailed them. It was the perfect situation: an ultra high-end luxury hotel that also got an extremely well to do clientele from the tony neigborhood it was located in. Expensive menu, nice wine list and, since it was a hotel gig, great benefits (unlike the rest of the service industry, hotel staff are unionized). When I didn't get the job I was <i>crushed</i> - mostly because I was so sure that I had it. In my mind I was already hired and writing my resignation letter (okay, I'm a waiter - we don't really do resignation letters. Still, you get the point).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It was becoming a seemingly endless chain of getting my hopes up only to see them dashed just as quickly. To add to the frustration I <i>was</i> getting job offers - but all from places that for one reason or another I didn't want to work at (on the other hand, I guess it was encouraging that I was getting any offers at all). I was beginning to understand very clearly the Buddhist axiom that desire and attachment are the causes of suffering. It's not because you might not get what you want (though that doesn't help): it's the desire and attachment <i>themselves</i>. It's the obsessing: wondering whether or not they'll call back; the constant replaying of the interview over and over again in your head - a question you mishandled, an opportunity you missed, that one key thing you forgot to say; the worry about what's going to happen if you get rejected <i>again</i>, the feeling that if you don't get this one you may never find anything.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">And then, last week, it happened. I got the call back. This was, of course, after days of fretting and worrying and obsessing. So I got the job. I was thrilled, absolutely thrilled. I felt amazing, like a thousand pound weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And then what happens? Almost immediately I start to worry again. What if I can't hack it? What if I f up in my first week and dump a plate on an important guest or drop a three hundred dollar bottle of wine? What if I have to come crawling back to my present job with my tail between my legs?</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I saw that it is the nature of the mind (at least my mind) to be constantly worrying about <i>something</i>, it doesn't matter what. I worry and worry and worry, what I'm worrying about doesn't happen or ends up working out in my favor, I'm okay for an hour, then my mind moves right on to worrying about something else. And worry is hands down one of the most useless (if not harmful) thought processes. Think about it - have you ever successfully worried your way into a solution? You can sit down and map out your options - but <i>worrying</i> isn't ever going to change anything. But the mind sees worrying as somehow helpful, like it will help you prepare for or even affect the outcome.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><b> <o:p></o:p></b></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Going back to my discussion last week on the power of choice, I understood that worry too is a choice. Buddhist philosophy states that upon seeing clearly the suffering caused by a thought or choice you will simply let it go, as naturally as you would drop a hot coal - but first you have to be absolutely clear in your head that the thought or action is not beneficial in any way shape or form. First is the understanding: This is not helpful at all. This is 100% harmful. Then you're free to make the choice: Breathing in I see clearly that worry is not helpful, breathing out I see clearly the suffering worry creates. Breathing in I know that worrying is a choice I make, breathing out I choose not to worry. The next time you find yourself obsessing about something, give that a try. The freedom is indescribable.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p></i><p></p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4813740281708097562.post-21556660926664671152010-05-11T18:51:00.006-05:002012-02-09T17:55:53.314-06:00...and then the Buddha said, "Put up or shut up."<p class="NoSpacing"><i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi- Times New Roman"font-family:";font-size:11.0pt;">Dealing with the guests is only half the matter; the other half is dealing with your restaurant. Maybe the problem is a particular jackass of a manager, maybe it is a bar that is constantly weeded, or hosts that routinely triple-seat you. Understand that the law of restaurants is that</span></i><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi- Times New Roman"font-family:";font-size:11.0pt;"> no<i> restaurant is perfect (and the ones that actually</i> are, <i>are not actively hiring, since no one in their right mind would ever leave there). Know that the only choice you really have is which particular pain-in-the-ass you will have to deal with. It could be a large tip-out, ridiculously belabored side-work, an inflexible schedule, incompetent co-workers, a constant lack of plate and glassware, etc, etc. No one has put a gun to your head and demanded you wait tables for a living nor that you do it at your particular restaurant. You are free to leave at any time. The question you have to ask yourself is: do the pros of this job outweigh the cons? If the answer is no, seek other employment immediately. If the answer is yes, than cease your bitching – odds are it would be no better anywhere else. As the poet Maya Angelou has said, “<span class="body">If you do not like something, change it. If you can not change it, change your attitude. Do not complain.”<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></p> <p class="NoSpacing"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi- Times New Roman"font-family:";font-size:11.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="NoSpacing" align="center" style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-font-family:Symbol; mso-ascii-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-hansi-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Symbol;font-size:11.0pt;"><span style="mso-char-type:symbol;mso-symbol-font-family:Symbol;">¨</span></span><span style="font-size:12.0pt;mso-bidi-Times New Roman"font-family:";font-size:11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">How many times have you found yourself stuck in a situation that you're continually not happy with - job, relationship, your own bad habits, whatever - but you haven't stopped it because it's not <i>that</i> bad? You just maintain a low level of discontent: you gripe about it, you complain to anyone who will listen, but you don't actually ever <i>do</i> anything about it - you just keep repeating the same patterns and the complaints day in and day out.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I think it's part of the human condition that one our biggest fears is change. We can be miserable all day long, but so long as that misery is <i>tolerable</i> we really won't do anything about it. Things usually have to be really awful to snap us out of our routine and force us to do something different - it's why recovering alcoholics talk about "hitting bottom." We usually don't change unless the situation gets so bad that we don't have any choice.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Why is this? Why when faced with a choice between the known and the unknown, we choose the known ninety-nine times out of a hundred, even when the known is awful? Maybe it's because even if we're unhappy now, we're afraid that if we change anything we risk becoming <i>more</i> unhappy. That even if we're in a bad situation, at least it's a situation we're familiar with - we're prepared for it. With the unknown we just kind of have to trust that we'll be able to deal with whatever happens when it comes. And I think a lot of us are afraid we won't be able to do that. But think about it - haven't you really dealt with everything that's happened to you in some form or another? You're still here, right? And even if you've made bad decisions - haven't you learned from them in one way or another?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">But that's the thing - how much of our lives are the results of actual <i>decisions</i>, good or bad? Isn't most of our life the result of not really deciding anything - of just kind of going along without offering much resistance, until you find yourself where you are? How much of our life is a result of conscious <i>choice</i>, and how much is stuff that just <i>happened</i> to us?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">We may not always have the power to change a bad situation, but we always have the power of choice. It's a power that we don't really believe we have, it's a power that we're often afraid to use, but it is our power. If we can't change something, we can choose to accept it, and upon accepting it life seems to open up different avenues. But a lot of times, those things we're complaining about <i>are </i>things we can change, we just don't. Zen is not about passively accepting everything that comes your way - if you can change something that needs to be changed, then do it quickly and without hesitation. It's usually the hemming and hawing that's more destructive than the decision itself. It's a lesson I'm very slowly learning: how to change without having to hit bottom first.</p>Jonashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06918330653819943833noreply@blogger.com3